A Tribute, A Memorial, An Elegy

I am completely devastated. The last run was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. When we sang Saying our Goodbyes (finale), we actually could not get through it, and the entire cast including Chris burst into tears as the portraits flew down one last time.Unfortunately, I had to stay and take down the set which was a nightmare, but I got through it and cried the whole time.

This is the first show that I do not feel as if there is closure. I feel like this show will haunt me, in a good way, forever. I put my heart and soul into this one, and shared it with very special people. Elizabeth and Sammy were a dream to work with. We helped eachother with the music, and helped eachother when it came to times of sadness whether it be discussing the loss of friend or even helping me through a tragic loss during the run.  To Fritz, he made laugh all the time, and was a delight with also. It was great to see how he grew in each of his pieces and it was lovely how he shared stories of Bishop, his dog. To Jon, I feel as though I got extremely close to him throughout the production process. We would always support eachother when it came to those difficult songs, and I felt as though we held the group together being the older ones.

To Gregg: What a ride! My entire career at this university is due to you and your kindness. I was given one chance, and then luckily given another! It was an honor to be in privilidged enough to share this process with you It was an honor to hear your stories and it was so generous of you to share them, especially at this time of year. You not only gave me the opportunity to be in the best show that I think has ever graced Klein Theatre stage, you also gave me the opportunity to say goodbye and being celebrating the life of those lost. I am at a loss for words, I cannot express how grateful I am for all you do-

What is going on!? There is hardly anyone in the house. There was a small house last night, and the Sunday matinee with afterwords was rather pitiful! I am actually the communications assistant for the theatre department and my job pretty much is to get people in the seats. I have postered everywhere, I have been aggressive, I have done all I can do. Still- no people in the seats. I am so frustrated. To be honest, I feel as if I am going to be blamed for all of this. I tried though, and I am still trying. I even gave direct mail cards to distribute to everyone she knows at work (that’s a lot) and still no good.

I find it hard sometimes to work for the department and be in a production at the same time. I feel that what I do at work really effects the productions, and hence if I am not on my A game- I am essentially destroying the productions in the season. I cannot express how disappointed and stressed I am that there is no one in the seats. I am not sure what else I can do.

The cast has been supportive. At the end of the day, we have all had the feeling that we were doing this more for us than anyone else . That is true, but still  I have a job to do as well. It is so agrevating to work so hard on something, and something that to me is one of the most important instances in my life to date, and I have no one to bloody share it with. God—I am at a loss at the moment. Maybe next week will kick up in regards to audience presense.

Opening night went really well. The audience was supportive and as cast we did well. I am not sure we were completely focused at all times. I can say that during Passover, it was hard to keep focused when the audience assisted me in stopping the show . It was lovely to have audience though, it was fantastic to get reactions…tears, laughter, gasps, sniffles- it was what we had worked so hard for.

Friday night, my parents came and saw the show. I was worried. My nana and my mum’s grandparents were going to fly from the rafters, and I had a feeling my dad was going to lose it when he saw the photograph of his mother holding me as baby. As of yet, I feel like this was the best run. We were extremely focused and every note was perfection. This has been a worry of mine for a long time. There are no words in this show, so every note needs to be perfect- you can not cover a bum not in this production- but as of yet, we have not had any problems in the runs of the show! When I came out from the dressing room, I saw my dad first. He seemed extremely red in the face, as if he had been balling for the entire second act. We embraced, and said that many people who were no longer with us was very proud of me. I feel as though my dad is my biggest critic, and I was so greatful that he got so much joy over the production. I am sure he will come next week

Can you believe it? We are here, opening night of the production! I am so excited and anxious. I cannot wait for everyone to see this remarkable show. I am so excited to get this in front of an audience to see how things can change, adapt, be done differently. That is something I love about having an audience. Every performance will now be different, because hopefully every audience will give us something different to work with.

I am also rather anxious about the production. We are inviting these people in to see our work. But the thing is …to me this show was no work. This show is about our family. Not only the family members and friends we are singing to, but the family we have created between Gregg, Chris, and the cast. I feel as if this was not a show, a production- this was a group of siblings being guided by a dad and an uncle. I know it is really strange to view such an endeavor like that- but I am so protective over this production- because we are not characters- it is us presenting not only William Finn’s loved ones, not only Gregg’s loved ones, but also out loved ones. It is so precious to me. I hope that audiences will leave understanding how precious the show is.

At the end of the day, it really does not matter what the audience thinks. This is the first production in my entire career that I am performing unconditionally, and not for the audience. I am not up there to make the audience laugh or cry- I am up there for the people on those potraits, waiting for their moment to fly in and dazzle us all.

So we are now into dress rehearsals! It is not too bad except that the lighting of the stage seems to be taking a long time. There seems to be changes being made constantly- which is good I am sure. A problem with lighting is in the song Fred. I do not understand why I have a spot and the backups have no light at all. It is so strange when I go back to dance with them and they are not in light- I am sure it will be changed soon.

I cannot believe we open soon. With being thrown into tech rehearsals I am not paying attention as much to what I need to concentrate on. My songs, the purpose and message behind the song cycle. I am so concerned with the costume, the lights, the chairs, and the lyrics that I am losing my focus.

With two days before opening I am sure this production can be the best production that has ever gone up in Klein Theatre. I know people amy not know how important those photographs are to us, but as long as we know- that is the most important thing.

Today, Dolly Madison, my puppy came and visited while we had a full day rehearsal before techs start next week. It was great to have her there because she was able to distract me from thinking about how long the day was going to be. It was nice that the cast and crew were just as excited that she came to visit. I think she may have distracted us towards the end of the rehearsal, but because the day took so long it was nice to be distracted at points.

I wish she could come everyday! That Dolly.

 

     

    

 

          Throughout the process, we have been adding more and more choreography to the production with the guidance from Sam. She is a great choreographer and has fabulous ideas. However, I feel like we are having MAJOR problems with getting it together.

               To be honest, the fact that Jon and Sam are dating makes it really uncomfortable sometimes when it comes to choreography rehearsal. Jon seems to not know his boundaries in regards to being a boyfriend and being an actor taking direction from the choreographer. It makes the process long, frustrating, and unproductive at times. I think Jon does not like all the choreography and that is fine…but I just feel like they should communicate on a professional level when it comes to the production. When they start getting into a debate, it really does waste time and the rest of us just stand there waiting for more and more direction.

                 The choreography is good, however I do not understand the meaning or purpose behind all of it. Well, to be honest I am having a lot of trouble with Fred. I am unable to feel comfortable with the movement and I am not quite sure what my hang up is. I think that the choreography needs to be cleared up, and become more precise. I am sure everything will be great, but I am trying not to learn the choreography from heart yet. Gregg will see it soon, and I am sure there will be some changes. Especially to Fred…it just seems a little frantic. We shall see.

       Today was the first rehearsal where we ran through the show on the stage. I am not quite sure how I feel about the set at the moment. I love the carpet, but I do not like the color. For celebrating life, it is rather blah. I feel like She Stoops never moved out of the theatre….O well. I am really glad we have moved into the house. The tracking of chairs, props, and having the piano is really helpful. I love the piano. The show sounds so different. I am not quite sure how long the lid of the baby grand will be up… it is a beautiful sound…but I think it is overpowering us just a little bit.

     I loved to be on the stage just so I could get the feel of the space. In Only One, I feel like I will be able to move around a lot more and pace the stage like I am a teacher. I am glad to be staging and getting into the house because now the building blocks of this entire process are starting to be put together to make the bigger picture.
I am also excited to see how all of our photographs are going to look up on the stage. I am not sure how they are going to be put up, but never the less, I am sure it will be amazing! I am nervous though about my photographs being on the stage. It will make the production more intense and more meaningful for me, but it will also bring about emotions that I need to learn to control. Also, will the audience get that these people are people we have loved and lost? Will the audiences be confused? Does it really matter?

I have had a few costume fittings and have now seen the final result of the costume. To be honest, I am rather confused and wary of the costume. I am not sure why I am being dressed like an old lady. When the ideas behind the production were presented to me at the beginning of this process, I thought we were all to be playing ourselves, but taking upon these characters and people that William Finn had created. However, I am dressed as though I am a 65 yr old woman. I understand for visual purposes that some would dress older than others, but I do not understand the concept really. The makeup is our own, and the hair is our own, but I feel trapped in a costume that I would not wear at all. I thought we would be wearing clothes, not a costume. I know it is extremely unprofessional to rant and rave over a costume, but I do not think I have ever invested in a production as much as I have in this one.

This production means more to me than anything else currently in my life, and I just want everything to be perfect in my eyes. I feel as though I have poured everything into this production- that is how it should be. After all the productions I have been in, I feel like this is the compilation of my career here, the compilation of my acting career, at least. I have so much more invested into this production than any other production I have ever been in. I think because this show means so much to me, I just want everything to be perfect- The moment, the outfit, the whole ambiance of the show. ThatÂ’s all for now.